If you’ve ever failed before, you probably know what hopelessness feels like. Hopelessness as defined by Merriam Webster’s dictionary means: having no expectation of good or success: despairing.
Literally speaking, this means you’re discouraged to the point that you no longer expect favourable change.
Truth is, as long as we live we will always have disappointments. We live in a world filled with imperfect people (us inclusive) and there’s no way we won’t hurt each other either knowingly or unknowingly.
Also, we dream BIG dreams. We have aspirations and most times our desires don’t follow our time tables. Again we give up and say “if it hasn’t happened then maybe it won’t happen”.
Have I ever felt hopeless before? Many times. A good example was during my NYSC days. So it happened that I was interviewed as a Copywriter in a Lagos based advertising agency months before NYSC camp in Kwara. God helped me. I passed. And my to-be creative director was very clear “we’ve to see your redeployment letter before we can take you”.
Now if you live in Nigeria, you probably understand what a herculean task that was. Anyways, three months after, I got my redeployment letter. I was ecstatic. I was over-joyed. Too happy sef.
However, all the beaming hope evaporated instantly when my to-be creative director announced that there was no space for a Corper anymore. I couldn’t believe my ears. I rebelled “but I redeployed to Lagos just so I could work here?”. Understanding my pain he responded sympathetically: “Arin, I’m sorry. Wish I could help. Maybe you should try other places”.
Honestly at that point, I remember wishing I could just fall and disappear. Can you imagine? I gathered myself and sobbed as I found my way to my house. I couldn’t even tell my mum who had previously warned me not to come to Lagos unless I had a job to do here.
So my hopelessness started. Was I depressed? Ahh, I was o. I cried. I ranted. I cried. I blamed everybody. But in the midst of my misery I heard a voice: “You know, I wouldn’t have allowed you to come to Lagos if nothing good awaits you”. I quickly recognized the voice to be God’s. I braced myself and responded: “But they said, there’s no space for a Corper. I’ve suffered”. I cried again. LOL
He repeated “I wouldn’t have let you come to Lagos if nothing good awaits you”.
With stricken face I added: “You just don’t understand, my to-be CD said there’s no place for me. My mother must not hear. There’s no way out. I’m doomed”. I cried again.
Then He said in a sweet tone that was as clear as writing on the wall: “I’m the way”
In that moment, I stopped responding, in my mind, God just didn’t get the part where I said “there was no way out”. Even the number second guy in the agency ascertained there was “no vacancy”. So all hope definitely was lost. Or so I thought?
So after that time, I would wake up and start ‘my crying sessions’. I would cry in the toilet, wash my face, come out and smile for everybody.
I was hopeless, I mean HOPELESS. Then with deep-rooted sorrow, I dragged myself to the NYSC Secretariat in Lagos and the person in charge of my case told me that if I fail to get a ‘Place of Primary Assignment’ by the following week, they would ‘throw me like a stone to Badagry to teach”. That was not what I wanted. I wanted to write brilliant ads. I had read about it. And I was ready to do it, not teach. “Do you understand me?” the official barked. Obediently, I nodded and crept out of the office.
On my way home, I made up my mind on two things: I would tell my mum about my pain. And I would officially start to look for a place to serve; anywhere would do at this point.
I cried inside as I walked the Surulere road adjoining the secretariat. Just then my phone rang. Reluctantly, I picked it and answered in a low voice without caring who the caller was “hello”. The voice on the other side sounded excited “You won’t believe this Arin, remember we said there was no space” Said my to-be CD.
Now confused “Yes”. He continued “It happened that a director here needs an assistant so we created that spot just for you. That way you can be a copywriter and still learn production things at the same time. What do you think?”
Immediately, my hopelessness disappeared and I brightened up “You created a space for me? I can’t believe this” I managed to say.
“Well, you better believe it. See you tomorrow. Yes?” He concluded.
“YES” I screamed.
Then it all came back to me “I wouldn’t have allowed you to come to Lagos if nothing good awaits you” “I’m the way”. I felt so good ‘cos finally finally I would be a copywriter. And sad because I doubted God 🙁 . Afterwards, I thanked Him for His faithfulness even when I was faithless.
Now how does that concern you? My belief is, if God could do it for me, I believe He would do it for you too. He is no respecter of persons. No matter how rough the terrain you’re on is, I believe God would bring good out of it. It’s not been easy (you say), well I don’t doubt that but assuredly I believe that God could turn your bitterness into sweetness if you let Him.
One of my favorite scriptures is in Isaiah where God said “I’ve made you and therefore I will carry you”. That means God is a responsible God (I can testify to this). He made you, and He will take care of you. So I pray that “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”.
Did I hear Amen? 🙂