So like Beyonce, I have a couple of things I would do (and what I won’t do) if I were a boy.
For instance, I wouldn’t sag my jeans for anything in the world (except for 5 billion dollars). I wouldn’t wear ear-rings even for a chance to meet President Obama.
So what would I do? Hmm…I have a couple of things on my mind but the key thing is ‘popping the big question’ to the girl of my dreams.
So sit tight and enjoy the ride and pulease this is not Deuces so I don’t ‘have to keep it drama free’.
I’ll go to her house on a Saturday morning (and she’d think I’m crazy- don’t be fooled ladies like stupid things). And she’d yawn and go ‘baby, what are you doing here so early…is everything alright?’. And I’d respond…’Of course hunnay…there’s just some romantic place I can’t wait to show you…plus…never mind…’. And she’d go..’plus what? (cos we are damn too curious)’. And I’d respond…’don’t kill the surprise babe…just trust me ok’. And she’d nod ‘Ok sweets’.
Fast forward to one hour and half later cos believe me it will take a sleepy girl that long to clean up and make up. Finally she steps out and utters ‘I’m ready’ and in my mind (if I were a guy) I’d think ‘Na wa o…just to enter bathroom and wear clothes’…LOL
So we get to say, Oriental and I lead the way to the Chinese restaurant on…is it second floor or where again?. I’ll be sure we take the table overlooking the lagoon cos ladies truthfully appreciates the little things. And she’d be getting all suspicious (by now) and guessing that maybe I’m about to pop the question. If she’s the ‘sister sister’ type with a bunch of close friends, she’d hurriedly escape to the ladies to ping one or two friends ‘babes, I think he’s about to propose…’ and those ones had say something like ‘I knew it…he had be stupid not to…babes wait, I’m outside the country don’t make any plans till I get back…’ and she’d laugh and make her way back to join me ( I know these things) *holds laugh*.
Then they serve us one #3,100 meal that includes a plate of noodles (enough for one family), groundnut for second course (abi na third *I donno*), and two tiny glasses of juice.
You see as a nice and gentle guy, I’d wait for her to finish her meal then I’d start…’Baby, you know we’ve been together for a while now…you are just the perfect girl. My friends call you ‘sent from heaven’. Some call you the ‘angel of my life’. Others go as far as confessing that oh boy ‘Ife yin gbona’. (By now, believe me she’d be blushing…)
But you see babes, I donno if I am perfect for a boyfriend anymore. And the problem is that you are too good for a girlfriend…
She’d be startled and she’d try to defend me, “my love, you are good enough for me…I don’t love you because you’re perfect. I love you because we complement each other’. I’d melt inside but I’d continue ‘Babes, you are not making this easy for me. I can’t be your boyfriend anymore. I just can’t. And I’m so so sorry’.
At this she’d think I’m crazy and maybe she’d gather her bag and ready to go. Then I’d say something like ‘baby…I’m sorry…I just don’t want you as a girlfriend anymore..’. Awww, if she’s emotional ‘she’d start to cry’. Then because I won’t like to see her cry…it’d hurt my heart…I’d quickly add…’You’re too good for a girlfriend baby. Which is why I want you to be my wife’…I wanted to make it memorable so I did the most romantic thing (you mean dumb?) thing I could think of…..
And she’d drop her bag on the floor (like Genevieve would in a Nollywood movie)…’of course baby…’ (she’d quickly grab the ring before I change my mind).
LMAO. The end..*strolls out*