I don’t know if you have noticed but I have been MIA for a while now. And what I am about to write is something important to me and something not easy to talk about. But then, this is my diary so I can as well be honest with you .
You see, I have been hurt. I have been through some painful experiences since last year. Late 2016 to be precise. And if you ask people who really know me they would tell you I usually push people away when I’m going through stuff (and this includes God. Sadly) .
I just kinda like to go through my pain alone. I believe that’s like my only way of dealing with stuff (bad excuse. I know ). Hopefully, I will get better. To my friends that I pushed away…I am verrrry sorry .
So during the painful period, my good friend dragged me to church on a work day. Let’s call my friend OG. Through out the day, I tried to hide from my pastor (Pastor B) because I was depressed. As God would have it, my pastor saw me from afar and in fact came to the front of my car (where I was hiding) and invited me to his office. The moment we entered, I started to cry .
He patiently listened to my cries, encouraged me greatly, then offered me some of his Suya. Amid tears, I said “no thank you sir” but he looked at me nicely and said “Arin, eat suya”. And as I was crying I started to eat the suya .
I am not making this up. This is a true story .
Once I was was stable, he gave me some advise. “My dear, you need to seek God for yourself. You need to ask God what He is saying now.” I did what my pastor suggested.
But…soon enough, I stopped seeking God again. I thought “what’s the point? The deed has been done” . You can say “the devil was doing overtime on me” or in the words of OG “Arin, ti gba esu laye” . (No translator at this time. SORRY) .
When tough things happen I just begin to question everything I believe. And this experience was no exception.
So you can understand why I skipped church couple of times. And why I couldn’t care less about the consequences. But then, God wouldn’t leave me alone. He came looking for me even when I wasn’t looking for Him . You can read about that experience here.
All in all, even in my struggles and the very painful experiences, I felt God nudging me to continue the blog. And only God knows how many times I have asked these questions out loud “why am I doing this thing? Who cares? Lord, there are soooo many over qualified people. Why should it be me? Why can’t you just pick someone who understands these things. Someone more spiritual…someone more matured? You know me I can get angry tomorrow and say I am not doing again (I’m silly with God. I know ). You need a better rep. And most importantly I want to serve you later (Try to imagine me pronouncing the word later with an American accent ). Maybe in my 40s or 50s but not right now. I am too young to be carrying Jesus on my head . Lol. I want to do fashion things and Rihanna’s fenty stuff” .
But none of my excuses was good enough. Eventually I realized God wasn’t going to change His mind so I might as well change mine . I mean the gifts and callings of God are without repentance. So this is me saying “duh!” to myself .
I am still learning that “we are not chosen by God because we are qualified but are qualified because we are chosen by God.”
So…we’re here. And this is me taking a shot at taking Ms Genesis as serious as possible. Being as consistent as much as possible. God helping me and you praying for me . Cos’ if God says its important, then maybe it really is.
So make sure you check back here every now and then. And be sure to tell your friends about this blog.
Why? Because we all need Jesus. The world is tough. People are sick. People are hurting people. People are depressed. People are committing suicide. People are super broke. And you & I as much as we would like to help them, can not. We’re not equipped to. But God can. And that’s why we should NEVER stop coming to Him. And that’s why we should lead even more people to Him. Because God is crazy faithful (in the words of Heather Lindsey).
DISCLAIMER!!! this blog is not from a perfect person to a group of perfect individuals. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’re definitely in the wrong place. Sorry .
This blog is straight from the heart of a girl next door who has gone through some really tough shit. Someone who has given up. And gotten up again (through God’s help), someone who has lost and found hope again. And like the writer, this blog is for people who are God lovers, who believe that God is worth the hype. Who want to know more about the person of God. And most importantly, this blog is for imperfect people who are passionately seeking out a perfect God. Are you in that category?
Before you go, I need you to do me a HUGE favour. Could you please subscribe to receive notifications about new posts?. Link is below the page. I know you hate being spammed (and so do I). Thing is, I have something special for my subscribers and I don’t want you to miss it.
Thanks for reading what “Oga Ladi” calls “Arin’s confession” . LOL.